Aftermath & Recovery from Sexual Violence

You need to know that the emotional responses to a sexual assault will vary from individual to individual.  Sexual assault is extremely traumatic and life changing.  It is important to remember that your responses are not crazy; they are normal reactions to a terrible situation—a crime. It was not your fault.

Feelings After a Sexual Assault

Anger: Anger is an appropriate, healthy response to sexual assault.  It usually means that the survivor victim is healing and has begun to look at the assailant’s responsibility for the assault.  Survivor victims vary greatly in how readily they feel and express anger. Anger can be vented outward in appropriate ways or turned inward, where it may become sadness, pain or depression.

Remember: Anger can be worked out physically without harming yourself or others.  Walk, run, shoot baskets, hit pillows or write down your feelings.  Angry feelings need to be directed at the attacker, not at you.

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Guilt, shame, self-blame:  Many survivor victims feel guilty and ashamed about the assault.  They question that they somehow may have “provoked” or “asked for it,” that they should have known what was going to happen, that they shouldn’t have trusted the assailant, or that they should have prevented the assault.  Some of these feelings are the result of society’s myths about rape and sexuality. Sometimes blaming oneself helps a survivor victim to feel less helpless.

Remember:  No one deserves to be sexually assaulted.  Tell yourself that many times a day, if necessary. Being sexually assaulted does not make you a bad person; you did not choose to be sexually assaulted. Learning about the facts surrounding sexual assault may be helpful in dispelling shame and self-blame. Give yourself credit for having done the best you could to survive the sexual assault.  “I did the best I could given the situation.”

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Loss of control over their own life, fear of the attacker:
This person stepped into your life and took control. You did not have a choice and you did what you had to do to survive that situation.  You may feel unsure about yourself and may temporarily lack your usual self-confidence.  Decisions that were made routinely now may feel huge.  You may feel that because of the assault you have to change your whole lifestyle to feel safe.  You also may feel that the assailant has taken away your good feelings about your own body, leaving you to feel “used,” “dirty,” or “bad.”

Remember:  Your ability to make decisions will return.  People who offer options and support your decisions unconditionally can help you regain confidence.  It is okay to take precautions that will help you feel safe. Your fear is a result of your heightened sense of reality and feeling out of control. Trusting only those who have earned your trust, locking doors, staying with trusted friends, taking self-defense classes, for example, are all normal means to help you feel safer and regain a sense of control over your life.

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Anxiety, shaking, nightmares:  These reactions can begin shortly after the assault and can continue for a long period of time.  They can also begin many years after an assault and can be triggered by events or people that may bring back memories of the assault. Victims sometimes fear that they are “losing it” or that they are “going crazy.” They may also feel that they should be “over it by now,” especially if the dreams or anxiety came years after the assault.

Remember:  These responses are normal reactions to a traumatic experience.  Dreams and flashbacks can be the way your emotions act out the fear you experienced.  It is important to talk with a trusted friend or rape-crisis advocate about your nightmares and fears and how they affect your life. Keeping a journal and writing about your feelings, dreams and fears can also be a helpful tool in healing.

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Talking about the attack:  Some survivor victims may need to tell others about the attack while some may feel it must be hidden from everyone or from certain people.

Remember:  It’s okay to choose not to tell anyone about the assault.  However, we do recommend that you try to find someone that you trust so you don’t have to deal with your feelings alone.  It is also okay to ask for a supportive person to help you tell others about the assault.

Try to get support from people who have knowledge about sexual assault and are sensitive to the needs of victim.  Contact a sexual assault center such as St. Croix Valley (SART) or a therapist who specializes in working with sexual assault and abuse.

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Fear of people, sense of vulnerability:  Survivor victims frequently fear people and feel vulnerable even when going through the regular activities of life. They may have lost their sense of safety in their own environment, which makes them feel vulnerable. They fear it might happen again. They may be particularly aware of sexual innuendos-stray looks, pats, whistles-that they once didn’t notice.

Remember: Try to spend time with friends, family, or people you trust. Learning to trust others and learning to trust your own judgment takes time and support from others. This is particularly difficult if the assailant was someone you know. Temporarily not trusting” is a protective device that is an emotional coping skill. You will be able to trust when you have had a chance to heal and are feeling less vulnerable.