Help a Loved One After Sexual Assault

If someone you know has been sexually assaulted

When supporting a survivor of sexual violence it is important not to be judgmental and not to take control away from the survivor. If you can communicate and do the following it will generally assist healing:

Say, “It’s not your fault.”

• Say, “I support you, and I am always available if and when you are ready to talk.”

Things you can do to help support them:

• Ensure that she/he is at a safe location away from the attacker. If not, consider helping him or her to a safe place when doing so does not pose a safety risk to you.
• If a threat to her/his immediate safety exists, contact the police as soon as possible.
• If she/he requires emergency medical care, call 911.
• If she or he requires less than emergency care, help her or him get to a medical provider (link to care partner hospital page) as soon as possible.
• Other than safety and health-related questions, try to refrain from asking her or him for details about the assault.
• Show interest in what he or she says and ask what you can do to help him or her.
• Inform her or him about access to the SART center for information, support and advocacy and provide our number to call 715-425-6443.
• Offer to stay with her or him. Survivors are sometimes reluctant to be alone after an assault.
• Consider accompanying him or her to the hospital or other places if he or she requests it.
• Be a good listener. Avoid being judgmental, keep from second-guessing and resist placing any blame on him or her. Simply listen and accept what he or she says.
• Avoid giving an opinion about what has happened.
• Remind the survivor that you support him or her.
• Always respect the survivor’s confidentiality. Do not tell others about the survivor’s assault without the survivor’s explicit consent.

Remember

Many survivors try to blame themselves because they think the sexual assault would have been prevented had they done something differently. In most cases, survivors have very little control over the outcome of a situation once a perpetrator decides to commit a sexual assault.

Self-Destructive Behaviors After Sexual Assault

There is no “right” or “wrong” way to recover from a sexual assault. However, there are unhelpful, self-destructive ways of coping. Alcohol abuse, drug use, suicidal statements or increased behaviors with unhealthy outcomes (unprotected and/or anonymous sex, gambling, smoking, overeating, etc.) are sometimes warning signs that your loved one needs to get professional assistance. Don’t be afraid to suggest that your friend might need support from someone trained to help with these issues.